Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize