Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
