all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
did i walk over a car last night?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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