waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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