well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
