so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And then he peed in my hair
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