omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
