They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
