What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
