it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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