my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
