She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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