woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
