Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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