I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
