I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
