she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
