That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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