Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
