You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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