So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
