Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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