You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize