We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
