so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
