Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
