I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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