Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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