the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
