I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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