I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
