Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
