ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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