half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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