I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
