um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
