you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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