Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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