that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
