Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
