my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
