hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
