we have officially lost it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
