this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dicks are not precious.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
