If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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