Plan B is the new Plan A
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
