I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
