oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
