Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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