Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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