Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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