i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
