you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Blood and glitter go together right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
