I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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