i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
