I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
