Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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