I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
