as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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