A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
