bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
