did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
