you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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